Loss of His Youngest
by Jedi Ani Unduli
Summary: Set after Episode 38. Peter Boyd is in his office struggling with the death of his youngest colleague, the one he was closest to. Blaming his inaction is all he can do. It is his fault.


_I try British TV crime dramas, and look at what happens. 1) I start thinking and speaking in a bloody British accent that sounds way too authentic (apologies to you Brits, but you got the excuse of being born and bred British while I'm nutty enough to absorb everything I hear), and 2) I love the characters too much (as usual). Episode 38 of "Waking the Dead" TV show was difficult for me. Mel dies, and Peter just can't cope with it. Even in Season 5 he's still feeling the impact of it. I ended up writing this, in honor of Mel, the youngest of the team and Peter's closest team member (honestly, it looks like she's treated almost as his daughter in some episodes - which is cute because he looks like mush)._

_Disclaimer: Not mine, not ever mine; if mine I would have Mel in a coma at the hospital. _

He couldn't protect her. Not this time. Not this one, _bloody _time. And what happened?

Dead.

She ended up dead, at the hands of a woman twisted by the Shepard's ravings, whoever he was. It was him that caused her death.

Staring down at her dead body, Peter Boyd instinctively reached down, as if to brush her hair behind her left ear. Or maybe it was to turn her around so he could check for injuries, signs of life.

Memories sprang forth of one of their most frightening cases. The serial killer had left the schoolgirl to take Mel instead. Oh, they had caught him, found out the psychological trauma he had suffered at the hands of his mother as well as his reasoning for targeting Boyd's team, but unfortunately he wasn't so forthcoming when asked about the whereabouts of Mel. He had taunted Boyd with the possibility of finding Mel too late.

Fortunately, his forensics team discovered her location and they had found her a short time after – alive and uncrushed. He had clasped Mel to him, keeping her close, reassuring her as much as him that she was indeed alive. Too soon he had to give her up for the inevitable forensics cleanup done by an emotional Frankie. Grace and he stood off to the side, watching as Spence held the foil sheeting around Mel's shivering body, Frankie gently doing the swabs and bagging the evidence, and Mel's sobbing. Then, Boyd knew that they were going to be all right.

The next few weeks had let to them – especially he, Peter – being overprotective of her. It had ended with Mel confronting him in his office. After a bit of yelling on both her and his parts, she ended their conversation by putting down a GPS chip and saying, "If you're that worried about this happening again, Boyd, just put this in my phone. I'm still a big girl who can handle herself, you know."

To which he replied, "I know."

It didn't stop him automatically assigning Mel to himself for almost every assignment, excluding Spence and his "good-cop-bad-cop" routine. It didn't stop him from almost pleading with Grace to not have Mel with her when interviewing Rice. It didn't help his heart when he thought Rice had stabbed her. It didn't stop him from keeping Mel with Frankie at the lab during the investigation into Sam Jacobs and the contract killings, suspecting that he or his team may be contracted targets next.

All of those precautions he tried to take, wanting to keep the safety of his youngest assured, and yet she still died. Bouncing off his car to land sickeningly on the pavement, no less (he would still keep the car, because besides the photos that was the one thing he had left of her, and he thought he would die before giving up all his traces of her). He would rather have it be someone else, another cop, as long as it wasn't his team and especially _not _Mel. Their youngest member. The youngest in _his_ "family" (not a conventional one, to be sure, but they acted like one, even now in grief).

After the case was over (if he was honest, all he remembered was a blur right after Mel's body was tended to by Frankie), all he could think of as he looked at the board was Mel's smile, Mel's laughter, Mel's inner light that connected them all. As the youngest of the team, her natural innocence kept them from being too jaded (although trying to keep her from the nastier crime scenes hadn't been a good idea from the start), while their experience helped her gain her own. Mel kept them – especially him – honest and focused, while they taught her that as long as the evidence would be submissible in court, don't hesitate to take chances on the leads.

His mind filled with could-haves, should-haves, and did-nots, but ultimately he knew that no matter the alternate scenarios his mind came up with, Mel would still be dead.

And it would still be his fault.

Peter Boyd went to his desk and sat in his chair. The case was done; now he would sit back and dwell on the memories. The whole office was dark. Everyone had gone home. He had the entire night to himself.

_Forgive me, Mel,_ he silently pleaded. _I failed you. _


End file.
